Fact // "Some situations be so wack, all you can do is laugh." -- Saika Bince 

•• Ego Trippin' Part 1

So now, Kenyatta "doesn't care" what I have to say, "Seriously. Goodbye"



Did I ever tell y'all I'm psychic? I think I did. If not- let me start this blog by saying: I'm psychic yo! Seriously, somehow I just always know stuff. Especially when bad things are going to happen. 

- -- - -- || I had a dream ... (this is not a MLK speech lol) 
We were in school, and it was dress rehearsal for the talent show. They had to take our picture or something. I was previously upset - I guess being overwelmed with so much going on. And Kenyatta wanted to take my picture. So he's following me around - trying to take the picture. So finally I'm like "Dude! I don't want to take a damn picture! Ugh!" and you know how I talk with my hands? (Ola calls it being an illustrator) so Francis rolled her eyes and said something about me being a bitch. I'm like- "Glad you can finally speak up and say what's on your mind." and I laughed. So then Yatta goes, "Thats your problem right there. You don't care what no one thnks of you." So with that my attitude is like set off. So I'm like "AND?! That's always been me."
So we get into a heated argument about how I don't care what anyone thinks of me, so I always act like I run shit and lalala. Which I can* understand how that can frustrate some. But my argument (in the dream) was that it has always been that way, so why was it all of a sudden an issue. And if it was ALWAYS an issue- why are you now* bringing it up? As my BestFriends; I felt like some thngs shoulda been brought to the table so we could (hopefully) agree to disagree. 
The dream ended with us storming off in our seperate ways, Francis & Kenyatta starting the I Hate Saika Club.

I came to school the very next day, and told Kenyatta about the dream. This was on Wensday I think. And he asked me what exactly happened in the dream. Of course I go "I don't remember, I just know alll of a sudden-there's this big issue."
He asked me if I thought the dream would come true. I was honest and said yes. I didn't know what the whole thing was with him, but I did understand the Francis thing.

What do you think is the first mistake I made? 
• it was not telling exactly what happened in the dream. With the way everything has happened these past two days- you will see why...

So the issue with me and Francis has spilled over into something friendship threatening. But more on that later.

The shocker of this whole thing is my Yatta mess. Lol. Like I deadass don't know what his issue is. But I think he's Ego Trippin' 

The name of this blog is infact Ego Trippin' because that's what's going on in our friendships, on all our parts. (Well, just me and yatta because Francis is a baby & I guess she'll "grow" when she feels like it) 

But yeah. I think Kenyatta is Ego Trippin. Like on some bull. 
(This is how I explained it to my 2nd mom- Ms.Chloe)
Lately, he's finnallyyy been getting much needed recognition for the hard wor he's been doing for this chorus. I'm completely aware that before (& even still now to some extent) it was about Saika. Like everything in the arts was on some "All hail Saika" crap. And I say crap because eve with all the praising, I get frustrated and tired. Like I do too much.

Kenyatta and I work differently. How we get whatever job done is tottally on us. It just (seems) that sometimes my way is more effective. But that's only due to the fact that Kenyatta is used to working the stage. And I don't mean for you to limit that idea to singing and performing and blah blah. I mean he's charming, goodlooking, and mostly a soft spoken sweetheart. Yatta can be a push over. He's so anxious to get his thoughts and ideas across (good ones too) but working the stage is different from working backstage. 
I hope y'all see where I'm going with this... So it's understandable that I'm (for now) a more effective leader than he. 
Anywho, all this recognition is going to his head I think. And so NOW it's like he has an issue with my leadership. If you ask me what's going on or how it started- I can tell you how it started and now (based on francis's texts last night), I can give you a basic idea of what's going on. What's yatta's REAL issue? I have nooooo idea. & I put that on music . So for now I will say he is straight EGO TRIPPIN

-- wow. I been typing for like 20 minutes lol.

Apparently, I "don't care what people have to say. So you tend to not listen when someone is saying something."
HOLLERING!!!!!
Lmao.
So ofcourse when flaka said this, I'm like "Instead of telling me what I do and don't care about, if you feel so strongly about it- ask me to repeat what you've said to me. Just so you can feel dumb." 
 
After she said that, I remembered how yatta got upset because I seemed to not be listening to him when he "had to talk to me about something"

So yatta, if you're reading this (which I highly doubt) here are the points & things you were saying before you just jumped to conclusions about how I "didn't care" so I "wasn't listening" 

- the way I "went hard" on crystal wasn't right
- as prsident I need to care about what she's feeling instead of "blanking out" and "barking"
- whether I know it or not, I was "blanking out"
- and that made her feel bad
- that was a prime example of what crystal was saying becuase now she feels like she can't approach me
- she just feels like I'm not gona care and just "go hard on her"

-_- but I wasn't listening . I pulled those out my ass right? 

And then when I gave my "uhhuh..." 
You took it as sarcasm, and didn't want to finish becuz it was "pointless ever trying to tlk" to me

-- I deff realized I didn't tell you all what completely happened. But I think this blog was just targeted to a main person. 

So to wrap it up, I think it's straight up wack and on some bullshit that friends can't agree to disagree (like I've done with Francis)
I think whatever your issue is, whether you chose to speak up about or not. You're fucked up for causing it to ruin a friendship we all worked very hard to build. 
And I deff find how you acting or reacting (cuz this could be temporary) super WACK because like I said, friends should agree to disagree sometimes. I was always there for you, even when I couldn't be there for myself. And that's real talk.

But blogging about it has deff made me feel better. 

Am I hurt? Hell yeah.
Have I lost something great? Definitely.
But will I live? Duhhh!

When you're ready to explain what your issue is, I'm tottally available.
If not. 

I apreciated your friendship :)
& now it's time to move on. 




--&ily. x__MG

Labels: Ego trippin

Fact // I have till tomorrow to pick a dress and order it ! &i'm super clueless as to what I want. So here are the final options I guess - let me know which one you chose . Don't be suprised if I end up with a dress that's not on here lol. (:

•• Option 1
  

I like the colors . You'll notice I'm going for a soft colors kinda thing .. But the flower has got to go =\
•• Option 2
 

I was mainly going for a dress that shows off my long (gorgeous) legs. But then I saw this. It's type plain but I like the simple elegance of it - especially the back.

•• Option 3
  

I'm pretty sure this one is my favorite (even though T'syanne doesn't like it!) it's so princessy! However, it looks like the same dress my friend had at her sweet 16 . So idk.


So yeah - vote & let me know watcha think !



--&ily. x__MG

•• "Healthy" Competition
Fact // that's what Ola calls it
Opinion // it's not that healthy for me ...

So this is something that's had me down in the dumps - amongst other things lately.. 

Over the summer, I decided I would actually go for solos, perform in shows, yada yada. Remember that? Well there was this one song that I spent the wholeee summer working on. No exaderations. Well some time after that, my twin (Francis) discovered it. Our issue was we both wanted to sing it. We decided we would sing it together, but then I had to be honest about the fact that I really wanted to do it myself. 
Cool. That was settled. Or so I thought?

Francis is an amazing singer. But what she has over me is this major display of high confidence. It's like if beyonce sounded like Cassie and MC Hammer mixed, but still had her confidence? She'd intimidate the crap out of anyone still! Becuz she holds that key. Confidence. So- Francis holds that key over me. And for the past month or so- it's like she's been trying to intimidate me out of the song. And so she's successfully aggravated me to the point where I don't want to do the song anymore. Which has had me down because now I don't want to do the show.

Wow Saika, is it really that serious?

Yes. It is. Lol. It's like last year when I didn't get Dorothy. They offered me Glinda the Good because she represented this beautiful woman who blah blah. I wasn't tryna hear it. Yes, I wanted so badly to be in the show. But I didn't work months for Glinda. I worked months for Dorothy. 

I didn't work all summer on "another song" -- I worked HARD on that one. 

So Francis would parade around my singing the song, and we'd have friends of ours compliment her and ask her if she planed on performing that. I figured I was over reacting; so I asked her to help me with the song. Just because I* think I sound my best, doesn't mean everyone else would. Right? The one* time I actually sang it for her, she told me I needed to sing it higher. I explained I changed the key of the song because we both know I can't go that high. It's not in my tesetura (comfortable part of my vocal range) but she's like- it don't sound right, do it higher so it sounds better. No complaining- I try. I crack. 

"do it like this-" & the rest of my practice time is spent with her singing and random ppl walking in the bathroom complimenting her. & same thing when we were at my house the other day. My practice time is just listening to her sing. But I got over it. Because it's no ones fault but my own that I lack that confidence right? 

Monday, we're discussing auditions; and she goes "since you wana sing it for the show, can I do it for auditions?" 

WTF?! yeah , sing it for auditions. So that I can feel like an asshole when I can't "sing it right" at the show. Idk but that was like the last straw. My intimidation turned to agravation and I just really didn't want the song anymore. So I told her she could have it. ( ofcourse she accepted )

But I realized this wasn't the first time --

I forgot to mention the part where after I admitted I wanted to do it myself- she suggested we both sing it so we can see who's better. 

But yeah, I realized that this whole her wanting to compete with me thing wasn't just with that. Like when I first started on piano (I like to play by ear). Anytime I would try and learn something, she would come over like "it goes like this--" & play it. If I'm trying to figure something out she comes and does it. I used to get pissed and I'm like "Flaka, that's not how I learn." when I'm on the piano, that's when she wants it. Like wth. Or with the beauty pagent. She wanted us both placed in the same division to see who would win. Like wtfffffff 

I don't think she does it on purpose, but like- even when I tried to speak to her about it, she "didn't get it"

What should I do ?

It's not healthy competition. Healthy (in my health class) was defined as ones physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. 


--&ily. x__MG