•• "Healthy" Competition
Fact // that's what Ola calls it
Opinion // it's not that healthy for me ...

So this is something that's had me down in the dumps - amongst other things lately.. 

Over the summer, I decided I would actually go for solos, perform in shows, yada yada. Remember that? Well there was this one song that I spent the wholeee summer working on. No exaderations. Well some time after that, my twin (Francis) discovered it. Our issue was we both wanted to sing it. We decided we would sing it together, but then I had to be honest about the fact that I really wanted to do it myself. 
Cool. That was settled. Or so I thought?

Francis is an amazing singer. But what she has over me is this major display of high confidence. It's like if beyonce sounded like Cassie and MC Hammer mixed, but still had her confidence? She'd intimidate the crap out of anyone still! Becuz she holds that key. Confidence. So- Francis holds that key over me. And for the past month or so- it's like she's been trying to intimidate me out of the song. And so she's successfully aggravated me to the point where I don't want to do the song anymore. Which has had me down because now I don't want to do the show.

Wow Saika, is it really that serious?

Yes. It is. Lol. It's like last year when I didn't get Dorothy. They offered me Glinda the Good because she represented this beautiful woman who blah blah. I wasn't tryna hear it. Yes, I wanted so badly to be in the show. But I didn't work months for Glinda. I worked months for Dorothy. 

I didn't work all summer on "another song" -- I worked HARD on that one. 

So Francis would parade around my singing the song, and we'd have friends of ours compliment her and ask her if she planed on performing that. I figured I was over reacting; so I asked her to help me with the song. Just because I* think I sound my best, doesn't mean everyone else would. Right? The one* time I actually sang it for her, she told me I needed to sing it higher. I explained I changed the key of the song because we both know I can't go that high. It's not in my tesetura (comfortable part of my vocal range) but she's like- it don't sound right, do it higher so it sounds better. No complaining- I try. I crack. 

"do it like this-" & the rest of my practice time is spent with her singing and random ppl walking in the bathroom complimenting her. & same thing when we were at my house the other day. My practice time is just listening to her sing. But I got over it. Because it's no ones fault but my own that I lack that confidence right? 

Monday, we're discussing auditions; and she goes "since you wana sing it for the show, can I do it for auditions?" 

WTF?! yeah , sing it for auditions. So that I can feel like an asshole when I can't "sing it right" at the show. Idk but that was like the last straw. My intimidation turned to agravation and I just really didn't want the song anymore. So I told her she could have it. ( ofcourse she accepted )

But I realized this wasn't the first time --

I forgot to mention the part where after I admitted I wanted to do it myself- she suggested we both sing it so we can see who's better. 

But yeah, I realized that this whole her wanting to compete with me thing wasn't just with that. Like when I first started on piano (I like to play by ear). Anytime I would try and learn something, she would come over like "it goes like this--" & play it. If I'm trying to figure something out she comes and does it. I used to get pissed and I'm like "Flaka, that's not how I learn." when I'm on the piano, that's when she wants it. Like wth. Or with the beauty pagent. She wanted us both placed in the same division to see who would win. Like wtfffffff 

I don't think she does it on purpose, but like- even when I tried to speak to her about it, she "didn't get it"

What should I do ?

It's not healthy competition. Healthy (in my health class) was defined as ones physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. 


--&ily. x__MG