I am grafitti ..
Art formed in creative passion, expressed through rebellion.

My splatters of color,
My hardcore words-
Like KILL!
My random markings on subway carts,
Street corners,
Buildings and parks...
Some of you are disgusted by me.
You hate me.
Some of you just don't get me.
You clearly think I need some help...
But trust me
I'm fine.

While you waste away your days
In high end art schools,
Paying $300 a class
To be taught to draw a perfect circle;
I've already mastered the beauty
Of erregular shapes in random objects.

You limit yourself to 8 by 11's
And IF* bold -
24 by 36 ..

But the world is my canvas
So I forever leave a mark.

So ha!

I win (:

You ever stumble upon a song by accident?

I don't mean walking down the street and someone is blasting music from thier car and you're like "oh! I like that!" ... No, I mean someone plugging your head phones to the melody that answers all your problems. You weren't even really looking for an answer because you didn't think it existed... Yet there it came. In a simple song.

Ohh N Love by Mateo .

Has to be one of the most beautiful songs I've set my heart on since Catch Me - by Demi Lovato and Smash Into You by Beyonce. When I first heard this song today (thank you Jahpaul) it made me think. The message was clear. You're in love. So I listened to it a second time, and sure enough- I understood why I felt it. Just now, I went online and looked up the lyrics. If you know me - you know I make all my final decisions on songs based on thier lyric.

“ Fairy tales come and take my hand
Turn the page and help me understand
Maybe I'll fall in love again
Find out how the story ends
Her song has me lookin' for traces of my melody
And I slowly hum and sing a simple phrase
A nanana that she can't deny
Caught in some way she can feel my every line
Yes I'm fallin' but can't seem to find the words for her yeah

So Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love
I want to be the song she loves
And I never thought I'd say this baby

Found a way to whisper in her ear
Everything I wanted her to hear
Said I would catch her every tear
Hold her through the many years
So long I've been lookin' for chances of this harmony
Now I know that she's the lyric and the tune
That explains the meaning of life
There is no music without her to give it to
Yes I'm fallin' but can't seem to find the words for her yeah

Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love
I want to be the song she loves
And I never thought I'd say this baby
Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love, Ohh n Love
I want to be the one she loves
And I'm hopin' that she plays this yeah ”

And I started crying. But not sad tears. I think I'm relieved. I'm ok. Or at least I know I'm going to be...

So what exactly am I rambling about? Well, the Ex. I've been fighting with myself in wanting to let him go. I think when you really want to let someone go - you will. And I just never did. Like I can admit that I wanted to be stuck on him for as long as I can be. Because I love him. Like, I can't even explain it so that anyone can get it. Buy it's like how I say "he kisses me only as music could." like - I LOVE that boy.

However, lately I've been feeling like I should want to let him go and that's what I've been trying to want. Clearly it wasn't working...

Anyways. I don't know, listening to this song told me it's ok to be in love with him and I can still love him while letting him go. It's ok* to let go. It's best for the growth of both of us. I'm not sure if I'm communicating all that I've gotten from this song (chances are I'm not) but I know it's helped me really be a big girl about this relationship.

I want to let go. I want to move on.

"If we're meant to be, we will be." I believe those words for so long now... but now it's tine to apply it.



Flying Off,
Saika B.

PS // I named this blog after Mariah Carey's Fly Like A Bird - another really beautiful song to listen to .

if you know me - you know iLOVE shoes! lol. It is my honest belief that as long as a girl's hair is done and her shoes are on point, theres no way she cant turn heads. :) If I had a closet full of all the shoes I wanted at this point - heres what it would look like...

Boots&Pumps:


Casuals&Flats:


-- more to be added , but arent they super cute ?!

Flying Off,
Saika!

It randomly occurred to me today that as a child, I was never able to keep a diary. I think having a cute little pink book, full of pretty paper, with a puppy on the cover (lol) has to be one of the great pleasures of being a girl. I cant tell you how many cute, little, pink books I’ve bought through the course of 3rd to 8th grade. I still have all of them. In all of these books, maybe 7 entries were attempted? Most of them left incomplete and the one that were- expressed a brighter side of things.

When it comes to having a diary or a journal, you knew there was always that risk of someone coming across your private thoughts. But even with the ones that had locks and keys and stuff, I think my biggest fear was coming across my own private thoughts. If that makes sense. (please be mindful that I have absolutely no idea where I’m going with this entry..) so as a child, I’ve never been able to keep a diary and as a young lady I second guess blogging.

There are days when I want to blog about my ex, or my best friend, or the things I feel like my life lacks. And then I just go read a book or listen to music. Because its like- what will the wrong person reading my blog say or think? What will the people mentioned have to say? Do I really want to put myself out there like that? A million and one questions. But the most important one - will I be able to finish this entry or even post it? If there’s anything we know about me - it’s that I have serious issues with being emotionally expressive and “opening up” there are days when even I don’t know who the raw me is. How vulnerable can I really get? Lol.

This isn’t to say I don’t know who I am or anything like that. Its to say I’ve rejected the weak me and have spent my whole life nurturing Thee Incredible. However, now I’m starting to wonder if weakness is the greatest part of strength… My friend Shakeem posted something interesting on twitter the other day and due to my mood lately, the randomness of the tweet kinda felt like a sign lol.

“I do love superheros because they are people who do extraordinary things but have regular struggles and problems. But they put them aside to try”

And lord knows I try lol. I try my hardest for everyone. But sometimes I need to try for myself ya know? And I honestly think my biggest failings come from hiding. If you strip thee incredible, strip the grand image of being invincible, take the cape away and make me deft to cries of others. Who am I really? I’m shy, I’m withdrawn, I’m undecided, confused… I am invisible. And not to the world, but to myself. I refuse to acknowledge my problems. Little stuff, but still! Lol. Like being attacked by the fan base of two very important boys in my life, or searching to ignite that fire within myself when it comes to singing, or school [ugh].

But I guess that the point of “unmasked” right? [rhetorical question]

For me to face my private thoughts, and face my personal emotions, and embrace the weaker side of me. When no ones there to save the hero- she has to save herself [;




Flying Off,
Saika!

Its probably happened to you before. You’re on the train or the bus.. and you see this really cute guy (or girl)- could be alone or even with a friend. And of course he’s caught you staring once or twice lol. That magical moment (it seems) where your eyes connect… And you’re fighting with yourself on just walking over. You even prep talk yourself, like “ok- just go say hi…” Then BAM! His stop comes and you fade into the background, watching yet another opportunity pass you by … =|

We fear rejection. For obvious and/or personal reasons. There are just certain areas in life where we lack the confidence. But I’ve come up with this theory… that if we invite* rejection (in place of fearing it) we would get soo much further in life. Things could turn out better than we’ve ever anticipated.

I mean think about it, almost everything we don’t go for has to do with the fear that it will turn out horrible. So lets say you’re ok* with it turning out horrible. You’re more likely to try it and see what happens, which is better than just letting so many chances pass you by.


Last night, my cast and I went to watch Charter High School’s production of rent. And I must say- it was amazing. The singing? Phenomenal! (really makes me want to get tougher on my choir… Monday? I’m calling a meeting!) The acting? Breath taking. These kids really became their characters.

One thing I liked about being in another environment besides Grand Street Campus? The good looking boys. Lord help me, charter boys are FINE! And then there was one…

His name was Justice…

I was a freshman with a crush all over again! He was your movie scene creative boy from out of town, must have come to NY to hit the stage, billboards, something! Lol. He was soooooo cute! [and he goes to NYU, ahhh - smart and sexy? Just my type!]

He was with my director, V. and my friend Gabby. So everyone [of our cast as we stood outside waiting for Corey’s ride] was introducing themselves and stuff; as I stood there trying not to get caught blushing//staring. [so young, so typical. I know!] but then he turns to me and looks at me for like 2 seconds, slightly smiles and says hi. So I smile and wave. BAM! We’re getting married! Lmao jk! But I wish I would have at least told him my name -_-

Anyway- I’ve been fighting to find inspiration for a song. I have so many that I’ve started after Rules of Love (which will be posted after I get it copyrighted I promise); but none of them hit my core. Like I’m not feeling it. In “The Song Writers Idea Book” it had said that a lot of hits were written from name titles. The fact that I went home with the line “His name was Justice” ringing in my head and humming for chords - tells me something right?

This song will be about a gorgeous guy named Justice, but his loving was far from fair… BAM! Tell me that’s not a good song concept! Lol I think its his name that really got me. Justice….

Ill probably never see him again in life, however he has fueled some creativity in me! So Thanks Justice lol.

I really need to start applying this “Invite Rejection” theory more. I mean, I did it with the play and ended up with thee lead* role. Surely boys are esier than hitting high F’s and belting in front of people who can crush your [inthatmoment] dreams!



Flying Off,
Saika!

Ok! so, here's the deal. I was up, feeling the need to blog... then iRealized ;; "This is yet another post that has NOTHING to do with a music lesson!" lol. Like,, every single post has one thing or another about music.. But more so it’s about me, me, me. So; iChanged the blog name.

For the super duper [withnoreasonatall] haters out there- let me explain the concept. iHave a feeling someone’s going to go "See, she mad fake." No hoe -_- lol.

Unmasked simply means she stops being incredible, stops showing so much stregnth and saving the day. This is the raw vulnerable me. iUsually don’t have anyone* to talk to about my problems or even my triumphs! So here is a blog going deeper that the "Awh, I'm Incredible! How have you been?" crap. lol

So prepare for some MAJOR rambling (:

P.S. Thanks Miles for falling alseep on me & not texting back ! =p